An Inheritance, a 25-Year Marriage, and the Postnup Question

A reader writing to an advice column says they recently inherited about $1.4 million from their father and now wonders whether asking their husband of 25 years to sign a postnuptial agreement makes them a bad partner. According to the letter, the husband has long said he wants their daughter to inherit a meaningful share of his estate, and the writer has never objected to that plan. The question underneath is less about money than about fairness, and about what each spouse expects to happen to assets built over a lifetime.

A postnup is a contract spouses sign after they marry that spells out how property, debts and inheritances would be handled in a divorce or after a death. Family lawyers say requests like this are not unusual after a large inheritance, especially when one spouse wants family assets kept separate or when there are children from earlier relationships. In many jurisdictions, money one spouse receives by inheritance is generally treated as that person's separate property. That status can weaken if the funds are mixed into joint accounts or used to buy shared property, and a written agreement can make the treatment explicit.

The request itself is rarely the problem. How it is framed usually matters more. Advisers often suggest starting the conversation by explaining what the inheritance means to the writer, such as wanting to protect a parent's legacy, rather than presenting the agreement as a verdict on the marriage. Both spouses should have their own legal advice, see full disclosure of assets, and have time to consider the terms, since agreements signed under pressure are easier to challenge later.

The letter also points to a workable middle ground. The husband's wish to provide for his daughter concerns his own estate, and the writer's wish to protect an inheritance from their father concerns theirs. Those goals do not have to conflict. A couple can agree that each spouse's inherited assets stay with that spouse's family, while deciding separately how jointly earned savings and the family home will be treated.

Rules on postnups vary widely by state and country, and enforceability depends heavily on local law and on how the document was signed. Anyone in a similar position should speak with a family lawyer rather than rely on general guidance. The short answer to the reader's question is that asking is not wrong. Whether the request feels like planning or like suspicion will depend largely on how it is raised, and on whether both people are willing to talk openly about what they want their families to receive.